They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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