You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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