my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize