it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
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We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
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This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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