So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
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So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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