Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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