I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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