im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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