i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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