I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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