Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize