FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
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I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
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If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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