I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize