so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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