I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
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I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
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You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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