No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
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its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
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i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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