I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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