I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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