So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
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That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
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I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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