Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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