listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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