Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize