Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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