did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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