I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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