Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize