Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
True college students do jello shots in the library
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