I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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