We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so that wasnt chicken after all
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
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She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
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Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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