I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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