i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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