How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
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I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
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Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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