I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize