she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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