Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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