i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
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Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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