If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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