So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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