tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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