Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize