i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize