This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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