Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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