Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Sober January is a disaster.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize