People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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