You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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