my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize