shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
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i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
either way he was missing a nipple.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
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You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
don't judge my taste in strippers
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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