I hate your face
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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