I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
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I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
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Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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